New York Gets Jack’d! 24 Season Premiere Live Diary – Part II

Posted on January 18, 2010. Filed under: General, Tale of the Tweets, Television, TiVo | Tags: , , , , , |

Welcome back! It’s time for Part II of my epic 24 Season 8 premiere live blog. In case you missed Part I from last night (which covered 4:00 pm – 6:00 pm), you can check it out right here.

When we last left off, we had tallied a total body count of nine through the first two hours (nine in the first hour, zero in the second).

Here’s our cast of characters so far: In addition to “I’ve got a plane to catch” Jack Bauer, Chloe O’Brian and President A. Taylor (the A stands for Awesome), we met:

  • CTU Agent Fembot (Dana Walsh) who has a secret trailer trash past and is engaged to…
  • CTU Agent Freddie Prinze Jr.
  • NYC Director Hastings (I don’t have a nickname for him yet) UPDATE: WE HAVE A NICKNAME: CTU Chief Bubba Hunch
  • A new presidential chief of staff who may or may not be trustworthy (no nickname yet)
  • Arlo the incompetent or idiotic CTU analyst (who may or may not be a mole)
  • Level 1 Bad Guy (aka Horace Goodspeed and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog) who appears to be leading a conspiracy to assassinate…
  • President Omar Hassan of generic Islamic nation (aka Slumdog Millionaire Who Wants To Be a Millionaire Host), in town to sign a landmark peace treaty
  • President Slumdog Millionaire has been interviewed by and appears to be having dirty western thoughts about the journalist Meredith Reed (aka Jessica Stein)
  • Jessica Stein may or may not be just a decoy in the plot to assassinate President Slumdog Millionaire or actually involved.

So here we go with my live diary/would-be Tale of the Tweets for Part Two of the premiere of Day Eight of 24. Let’s get to the ass-kicking and body count, shall we? (more…)

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New York Gets Jack’d! 24 Season Premiere Live Diary – Part I

Posted on January 18, 2010. Filed under: Tale of the Tweets, Television, TiVo | Tags: , , , , , , , , |

I decided not to live-tweet the two part/two night/four hour premiere of the 8th season of 24 because I wanted to be fully focused.  24 requires complete and undivided attention, especially as they set up the season. Which takes place in New York City! But as the premiere unfolded, I realized I had so much snark to share. And that I have a blog. So if sharing snark about 24 isn’t what the blog is for, I don’t know why I bother.

New York Gets Jack'd! (photo from

So here we go with my live diary/would-be Tale of the Tweets for Part One of the premiere of Day Eight of 24. Let’s get to the ass-kicking and body count, shall we?

The following takes place between the hours of 4:00 p.m. and 5:00 p.m.

Events occur in real time.

Disclaimer: the time-stamping is approximate. My TiVo time is not quite in sync with the official 24 clock, so there’s a 2 minute margin of error.

4:01: Hey! Not everybody in NYC is a crack addict. #stereotyping

4:02: Two minutes in and the body count is already at two. This is going to be a good season.

4:04: Jack’s granddaughter is a real cutie. I sure hope she doesn’t get caught up in this nonsense.

4:05: So they use fake Fox News on a Fox show so they don’t want people to see how ridiculous the real thing is?

4:05: Oh Kim Bauer. I forgot how much you annoy me.

Anil Kapoor: game show host to president

4:07: The actor who played the host of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire in Slumdog Millionaire is the president of Iran, er, Kamistan, er, generic Islamic nation.

4:07: But the actor who plays him is Indian. Oh, nevermind.

4:07: It’s 24. Racial profiling is not only standard, it’s expected.

4:08: President Taylor is made of awesome.

4:16: Jennifer Westfeldt lives with John Hamm. Isn’t that enough? Now she must have the president of Kamistan as well?

4:18: Hassan’s brother seems like a real tool. I’m sure that won’t be a factor either.

4:21: 21 minutes in and Jack pulls his first awesome move of the season.

4:21: “You’re lucky I’m retired.” Jack Bauer. Bad ass.

4:22: Ooh. CTU has fancy new digs in NYC. Our tax dollars hard at work.

4:22: Another engaged couple at CTU? There will never be another Tony and Michelle!

4:22: Perimeter!

4:23: Oh blonde woman you did NOT just talk patronizingly to Chloe O’Brian.

4:24: Why won’t people learn to listen to Jack Bauer?

4:24: I love how Jack pulls the same “Don’t make me go to the president” move every season.

4:25: CTU director Hastings: “Gather com and tactical. Tell them we’ve got a situation.” *giggles* Jersey Shore is EVERYWHERE!

4:26: “Who is Jack Bauer?” Arlo is clearly an idiot. And that might turn out to be relevant later. Just a hunch.

4:34: Ooh, the president got a divorce! Over Olivia. And the murder she paid for. And that’s that.

4:36: Ethan’s popping pills. That won’t be relevant later.

4:36: Jack to Kim: “Something came up. Gonna be at little late.” Understatements of the year.

4:37: Hmm…the Baccarat store is located at 59th and Madison. Let’s see. That’s approximately NOWHERE NEAR 18th and 9th.

4:38: Having trouble buying into the concept that Chloe is having trouble with technology.

4:38: Chloe is the modern-era greek chorus. Speak the truth, girl!

4:39: Agent Freddie Prinze Jr. Not really buying it.

Freddie Prinze Jr. as CTU agent. Interesting. (photo courtesy

4:40: Oh no, damn good samaritan calling the police. Don’t you know it’s Jack Bauer?

4:41: The Magic Satchel! It’s back!

4:45: Oh damn. Mrs. Hassan looks like a cold bitch.

4:46: Hassan’s daughter seems like a good kid. I hope she doesn’t get caught up in all this nonsense.

4:47: Fun fact: President Omar Hassan Ahmad al-Bashir is the real president of Sudan. I learned that when I googled “President Omar Hassan.”

4:48: New Chief of Staff. Trustworthy? Too soon to tell. (Man, I’ve clearly watched waaaaay too much 24).

4:49: Why do they make the NYPD seem like incompetent idiots?

4:49: Listen to Jack Bauer, dammit.

4:49: Two NYPD cops down. Body count now at four.

4:50: “Mr. Hastings, we have a situation at the pickup.” Situations everywhere.

4:51: And the award for best use of a firefighter’s axe as an improvised murder weapon goes to…Jack Bauer!!!!!!!

4:51:: Two bad guys down. Body count now stands at six in the first hour. Nice work.

4:52: Holy fucking shit. What the hell was that? Explosion. Jaw drops.

4:53: Give me a name! Who’s on the inside? Haven’t we heard this before?

4:53: Of course Victor dies before he can give Jack the name of who is on the inside. Otherwise the show would be called 8.

4:54: Two CTU agents and informant dead in the explosion. Body count at 9 after first hour.

4:55: I knew Jessica Stein could not be trusted!

And that’s a wrap on the first hour. Body count total stands at 9.

Let’s see what unfolds next.

The following takes place between 5:00 p.m. and 6:00 p.m.

5:02: Arlo. Arlo is not to be trusted! Or just really incompetent. Too soon to tell. But there’s always a mole at CTU. Always.

5:02: Dying declarations FTW!

5:03: I didn’t know they knew how to pronounce nuclear on Fox. Well done.

Jessica Stein cannot be trusted! (photo courtesy

5:09: So they got Jessica Stein. That was a little too easy. Somehow I think there’s more to this plot.

5:14: And Chloe just said exactly what I said! You’ll have to trust me on that.

5:16: “I promise I won’t be long. I’ll have to meet you at the airport.” Oh Jack why must you lie to Kim?

5:17: “We’re coming to pick you up at CTU.” File under Bad Idea Jeans.

5:19: Chloe and Jack! Together again.

5:20: Why do presidents hire their brothers to be their chiefs of staff, etc.? Younger less successful brothers always have it in for older successful brothers on TV.

5:23: Aha! It’s the brother! I knew it! Told you he was a total tool.

5;24: The Level 1 Bad Guy’s accent sounds just like Triumph the Insult Comic Dog!

5:27: So I had to google Katee Sackhoff. I’m sorry, BSG fans, I never watched.

5:28: If Dana Walsh has a secret past and a former identity, how did CTU miss that on their oh-so-thorough security clearances? Guess I’ll have suspend my disbelief. Again.

5:31: Why don’t they listen to Jack Bauer? Can I program that as an auto-correct?

5:33: Chloe is right. Jack has asked her to do some crazy-ass shit over the years. I mean, days. I mean, hours. Whatever, you know what I’m saying.

Who knew Triumph would make a cameo?

5:34: Kim Bauer pleads with her father. And we have Kim Bauer to thank for this entire season of 24. I’m not sure if I’m ok with that.

5:35: Gratuitous shot of the adorable granddaughter Teri. Man I hope she doesn’t get caught up in this mess.

5:36: HD is not kind to a lot of the cast members on 24.

5:37: Jack is back! We now resume to our regularly scheduled ass-kicking.

5:41: Them’s some really fancy digs at CTU NYC. I wonder where it’s located.

5:42: President Hassan: “If the price for peace is my life, so be it. Now, who wants to be a millionaire????” Oh, that’s not what he said? I must be hearing things.

5:43: The brother has that long hair, is short and is totally sketchy. I can’t believe his brother doesn’t see it?

5:45: Chloe’s hair looks great. And they even gave her decent clothes and a pretty necklace for this season.

5:46: Katee Sackhoff looks sort of like a fembot. A trailer trash fembot!

Katee Sackhoff as Dana Walsh, fembot CTU agent (courtesy of

5:46: So if this slimy Kevin Wade found out who Dana really is, how did CTU miss this on her background check? Oh right, suspension of disbelief.

5:48: Really? If I had Sprint I could get access to a sneak peek of next week’s 24? Yeah, I’ll stick with Verizon thanks. Unless I get an iPhone. But I digress.

5:52: Jessica Stein had direct phone contact with someone at the end of the first hour. Was it just her editor at the newspaper or someone more sinister? When is she going to mention this?

5:53: So the Level 1 Bad Guy who launched an assault missile and took out the CTU chopper is pretending to be a police officer from Queens? Awesome!

5:53: Corollary: how did he land a job with the NYPD and on the UN Security Detail if he’s a foreign national? Suspension of disbelief.

5:55: Oh yeah, Jack Bauer’s gone rogue. Game on, bitches.

5:56: Not Jack Bauer’s Magic Satchel! They took his Magic Satchel!

5:57: Oh he dropped President Taylor’s name again!

5:58: Thank god Jack got his Magic Satchel back. All is right with the world.

5:59: OMG. Triumph the Insult Comic Dog just pulled a gun on the nice policeman and his wife.

5:59: “Tear off a strip and put it over Maggie’s mouth. Do it. For me to poop on!”

And finally:

And since my rule is no previews, I will see you tomorrow night for Part II.

Total body count after the first two hours stands at nine.

Let me know your thoughts via comment or tweet.

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Guidos, Guidettes and Whorebags, Oh My! It’s the Jersey Shore

Posted on December 4, 2009. Filed under: Tale of the Tweets, Television | Tags: , , , , , , |

Because I am apparently a sick, twisted glutton for punishment, I watched the two-hour premiere of MTV’s Jersey Shore tonight. God help me.

To say that it was like watching a train wreck would be like saying that the Titanic suffered just a small scratch.

Admittedly, I’ve been to the Jersey Shore only twice in my life, and Manasquan/Bayhead is NOT Seaside Heights. So, this was a whole new world for me (remember, I grew up in California). I sat literally slack-jawed through the first 10 minutes. I had never seen anything like this before. Men and women referring to themselves proudly as “guidos” and “guidettes”? What? Men who took more time getting ready to go out than even the highest of high maintenance women? I couldn’t believe my eyes. Hair gel, cologne, hairspray and tans everywhere.

The Guidos and Guidettes of MTV's Jersey Shore

Can you imagine what the casting notes were for this show? Seeking the kings and queens of guidos and guidettes for a reality show. Must have a nickname. And at least one of you must be named Vinny. And another one must refer to yourself in the third person. At all times. My mind is reeling.

After 10 minutes of this nightmare, I thought about giving up. But I am a trooper and believe in taking one for the team. So I stuck it out. And tweeted. And tweeted. And tweeted. I honestly think the tweeting made watching the show bearable. Knowing that I wasn’t alone watching this foreign world of guidos, guidettes and juiceheads gave me comfort. A sick, twisted form of comfort. Misery does love company.

Without further ado, here is the Jersey Shore Premiere: Tale of the Tweets

Who is watching #JerseyShore live at 10 p.m. ET? I’m watching for as long as I can stomach it.

I had no idea that guidos refer to themselve as guidos. And are proud of it. #jerseyshore #godhelpme

She actually called herself the “The Kim Kardashian of Staten Island.” Like it’s a good thing. #facepalm #jerseyshore

And there’s a new series called “Teen Moms.” I’m horrified for so many reasons I don’t even know where to start.

Huge gold cross chain AND ginormous tattooed cross on back? Yeah, we get it Ronnie. #JerseyShore

“I don’t have time for stupid bimbos.” Oh how I wish I were as strong as Sammi. #jerseyshore

RT @MAD_DENDOR: @amandarykoff #jerseyshore word of the day, “Whorebags”

OMG. The ink on Pauly D’s back is outrageous. Is that Italy or an italian flag? Or both? #jerseyshore

“All the whores…shut up.” Classic dialogue. #jerseyshore

The Situation does not freakin’ tweet. RT @Bankoff: Not very realistic, no one is Tweeting, not even The Situation. #JerseyShore

There’s a reason they got the impression you’re a crazy, sluty-ass girl, Snooki. #jerseyshore

@TheNateMundy “I’m a bartender. I do GREAT things.” #jerseyshore

“Dude. You’re a guidette.” #peptalksonjerseyshore #jerseyshore

RT @ErinMcCaffrey: “All the girls are like fish, we just throw out a line and see who bites” #jerseyshore

“My ideal man would be Italian, dark, muscles, juicehead, guido.” What the hell is a juicehead? #jerseyshore

Oh my god. Of course “juicehead” is “steroid user.” #idontspeakguidette #jerseyshore

“You’re the Queen of Guidettes. Not just a Guidette.” Still LMAO. #jerseyshore

“Pink eye is very contagious. I don’t know much about it, but I heard you can catch it just from the air.” Pauly D on #jerseyshore

RT @Stefmara: “It’s not a matter of when she’s going to hook up with me. It’s more about when I decide” #jerseyshore

And perhaps Teen Moms. RT @Stefmara: This show is the reason why many people should not procreate #jerseyshore

“I am a c*&k block. Um hm. Yeah. Not gonna lie.” #jerseyshore

“I will cut your hair while you’re sleeping.” #hitaguidowhereithurts #jerseyshore

In retrospect, I didn’t tweet enough about The Situation. He may require a separate blog post. When I’m ready to deal with The Situation properly.  Until then, god help me. And god help us all.

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Sports Shouting on 30 Rock: The Fake News Scroll

Posted on November 21, 2009. Filed under: Comedy, Sports, Television, TiVo | Tags: , |

I know this was 2 weeks ago, but I’m just catching up on 30 Rock. Which, btw, remains one of the funniest, if not the funniest, shows on TV.

I had heard about the “Sports Shouting” bit on Twitter, but didn’t know when it would appear or in what episode (I was several weeks behind – don’t ask). Finally, it showed up in the middle of Liz’s lunch meeting with her agent.

Not only is the concept hilarious (picture “Around the Horn” but with even more yelling), the scrolls of fake sports news along the bottom of each shouter’s square were priceless. For more on the spoof, click here.

Sports Shouting = awesome

Thanks to the magic of TiVo, here are the fake news scrolls:

Jacksonville residents “no longer aware” of Jaguars

KC Royals accidentally left of 2010 MLB schedule

Unfrozen, immortal Ted Williams signs 100-year extension, eats only rotten [cuts off]

Brawl between Globetrotters and Generals leaves three dead

Extreme MLB to feature real bulls in bullpen

WC Qual: SWE 0-DEN 0/GER 0 POL 0/POR 0 SPA 0

Pitino: “I’m over here at the bar, if any of you [cuts off]”

And something about a very fat NHL goalie

Again, further evidence of 30 Rock’s genius and why it’s on my Season Pass. If you’re not watching this show, what’s wrong with you?

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What’s On My TiVo Season Pass?

Posted on November 11, 2009. Filed under: Television, TiVo | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , |

TiVo has literally changed my life.

I bought my first TiVo Series 2 back in April 2002 (after I came into some “found money” when Maryland won the NCAA basketball tournament) and haven’t looked back. TiVo has given me freedom to live my life, while also providing unprecedented control. In short, it’s allowed me to manage a pretty nasty television watching habit. Some may call the TiVo an enabler to a tv junkie. Enabler or not, it’s a must.

This man changed my life

And I’ve become a TiVo prosthelytizer. Don’t talk to me about DVRs. DVRs are crap. TiVo is by far the best, most intuitive and easy to use one out there, and worth every penny.

When I decided to step up and upgrade to HDTV for the 2007 Super Bowl, I needed to upgrade my TiVo as well. I’m the proud owner of a souped-up Series 3 HD TiVo which I ordered from It has an extra-large super-size hard drive for extra recording capacity.

The downside of a super-size TiVo? TiVo stress. I record far too much television and can’t watch it all. And when you factor in baseball, football and basketball? Forget it.

Many of you have asked me what shows I watch. Here’s what’s on my Season Pass right now (Fall 2009). Note that some of my favorite shows will be back after January, so I couldn’t take on too many new shows this fall (yes, Glee, I’m talking to you).

Amanda’s Season Pass: Fall 2009

Sunday: no shows.

I can hear you now: What? No shows on Sunday?  How is this possible? Don’t you watch Curb Your Enthusiasm? Sunday used to be a huge night, but I dropped Curb and with Entourage and Big Love on hiatus, this is a free night for football and catching up on other shows.


How I Met Your Mother: One of the best, most underrated and underappreciated sitcoms. If you haven’t seen it, do yourself a favor and watch. Smart, solid humor and a great cast. This is the ONLY NON-SPORTS show I watch on CBS (except for the occasional Letterman).

The Closer: I just love love love this show. Kyra Sedgwick is fantastic as Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson. It’s a procedural with a heart and brains. It’s a great combination in my book. Thank you very much.

Gossip Girl: Oops. Sorry, that was cut this season.

Why aren't you watching Chuck?

Chuck: This is one of my top 3 favorite shows. Possibly of all time. It was on Mondays at 8. It will come back after the Olympics at a day and time TBD. Wherever it will be, I’ll be watching. I can’t get enough of it. Dorky but adorable lead and hot female co-star. It’s funny, witty and sexy all wrapped into one Chuck-tastic package. Yes please!

24: I know many of you have dropped it, but I still keep coming back to Jack Bauer every January. And he continues to defy the odds. And save the world. Again.


Another relatively light night. I am TiVo’ing V, but haven’t watched yet.

Also, if I decide to watch American Idol next season, it will be on Tuesday nights. Every season I tell myself no more Idol, and yet every season I find myself getting sucked back in. Perhaps the addition of Ellen DeGeneres as a judge (because she’s such an expert in singing, right?) is enough to send me packing once and for all.

Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel: Just an outstanding job of reporting every month.


Lost: When it’s on, it’s one of my few true appointment shows. Unless I’m out of town or dead, I watch this show on Wednesday night. Of course I don’t watch it live. I always wait 15 minutes so I can take full advantage of TiVo commercial skipping.

I’m sampling Modern Family on ABC this fall, but I’m not sold yet. And I tried Glee and dropped it after one episode. It just wasn’t my thing. I know, I know. You all love it. Sorry.

Best new show of the fall..

Thursday (this is the big night)

My TiVo works overtime on Thursday nights.

FlashForward: By far my favorite new show of the fall. It’s got just the right combination of action, conspiracy and sexiness, plus a sense of humor. I’ve really enjoyed it so far and hope it keeps it up through the first season.

Grey’s Anatomy: Yes, it’s admittedly not as good as it was during its phenomenal freshman and sophomore seasons. But damn I still love this show.

The Office: Although it’s often cringe-inducing, the comedy here is fantastic. And the cast is amazing. I only wish it lasted longer. That’s what she said.

30 Rock: Along with HIMYM, my favorite sitcom on the air right now. Smart and sharp, with an amazing cast (yes, that includes Tracy Morgan, of whom I am not a fan), I just love it. And I might – might! – have a teensy girl-crush on Tina Fey.

Project Runway: Oh Project Runway, how I love thee! Tim Gunn, Heidi Klum and some crazy but talented designers makes for fabulous television. Why do I prefer this show to Top Chef (which I don’t watch)? First, I wear clothes. Second, I don’t cook. Third, Tim Gunn. But seriously, there is something so incredible about watching the designers sketch and create a new outfit in one day. And when you see the clothing coming down the runway, you can decide if you’d wear it or burn it. I can’t taste the food on Top Chef, no matter how exciting. And did I mention I don’t cook?


Friday Night Lights...on Friday night

Friday Night Lights:  This is one of the best shows ever made. Why is nobody watching it? Because they missed the mark by targeting sports fans at first. This show is not about sports. It’s about relationships, lives and people, and football just happens to be the backdrop. It also features one of the most realistic marriages ever depicted on TV between Coach Taylor (Kyle Chandler) and his wife Tami (Connie Britton) (not that I’m married but all my married friends say it’s completely realistic). Not to say that sports fans won’t like it (I love it), but even if you’re not a sports fan, do yourself a favor and rent the DVDs. Oh, and there’s also some nice eye candy for the ladies in the form of one Tim Riggins (Taylor Kitsch).

Ugly Betty: ABC recently moved Ugly Betty to Friday night after several seasons on Thursday at 8. I don’t know how the numbers are looking, but this show is always smart and funny. Plus I recently saw Marc St. James (Michael Urie) in the lobby of my old building.


Saturday is reserved for college football and TiVo catch-up. I will occasionally record Saturday Night Live, but I usually just watch Weekend Update, the Digital Short and then delete it.

I watch The Daily Show (where else would I get my news?) and SportsCenter every night, though I don’t have actual season passes set for them. And yes, even though I no longer work at ESPN, I will continue to watch SportsCenter.

Some of my all-time favorite shows aren’t on anymore, notably The Wire and Veronica Mars. I also loved The Simpsons from about 1991-2000, but stopped watching it several years ago.

So there you have it.  Let me know what you think of my shows. And tell me what’s on your season pass.

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