Guidos, Guidettes and Whorebags, Oh My! It’s the Jersey Shore

Posted on December 4, 2009. Filed under: Tale of the Tweets, Television | Tags: , , , , , , |

Because I am apparently a sick, twisted glutton for punishment, I watched the two-hour premiere of MTV’s Jersey Shore tonight. God help me.

To say that it was like watching a train wreck would be like saying that the Titanic suffered just a small scratch.

Admittedly, I’ve been to the Jersey Shore only twice in my life, and Manasquan/Bayhead is NOT Seaside Heights. So, this was a whole new world for me (remember, I grew up in California). I sat literally slack-jawed through the first 10 minutes. I had never seen anything like this before. Men and women referring to themselves proudly as “guidos” and “guidettes”? What? Men who took more time getting ready to go out than even the highest of high maintenance women? I couldn’t believe my eyes. Hair gel, cologne, hairspray and tans everywhere.

The Guidos and Guidettes of MTV's Jersey Shore

Can you imagine what the casting notes were for this show? Seeking the kings and queens of guidos and guidettes for a reality show. Must have a nickname. And at least one of you must be named Vinny. And another one must refer to yourself in the third person. At all times. My mind is reeling.

After 10 minutes of this nightmare, I thought about giving up. But I am a trooper and believe in taking one for the team. So I stuck it out. And tweeted. And tweeted. And tweeted. I honestly think the tweeting made watching the show bearable. Knowing that I wasn’t alone watching this foreign world of guidos, guidettes and juiceheads gave me comfort. A sick, twisted form of comfort. Misery does love company.

Without further ado, here is the Jersey Shore Premiere: Tale of the Tweets

Who is watching #JerseyShore live at 10 p.m. ET? I’m watching for as long as I can stomach it.

I had no idea that guidos refer to themselve as guidos. And are proud of it. #jerseyshore #godhelpme

She actually called herself the “The Kim Kardashian of Staten Island.” Like it’s a good thing. #facepalm #jerseyshore

And there’s a new series called “Teen Moms.” I’m horrified for so many reasons I don’t even know where to start.

Huge gold cross chain AND ginormous tattooed cross on back? Yeah, we get it Ronnie. #JerseyShore

“I don’t have time for stupid bimbos.” Oh how I wish I were as strong as Sammi. #jerseyshore

RT @MAD_DENDOR: @amandarykoff #jerseyshore word of the day, “Whorebags”

OMG. The ink on Pauly D’s back is outrageous. Is that Italy or an italian flag? Or both? #jerseyshore

“All the whores…shut up.” Classic dialogue. #jerseyshore

The Situation does not freakin’ tweet. RT @Bankoff: Not very realistic, no one is Tweeting, not even The Situation. #JerseyShore

There’s a reason they got the impression you’re a crazy, sluty-ass girl, Snooki. #jerseyshore

@TheNateMundy “I’m a bartender. I do GREAT things.” #jerseyshore

“Dude. You’re a guidette.” #peptalksonjerseyshore #jerseyshore

RT @ErinMcCaffrey: “All the girls are like fish, we just throw out a line and see who bites” #jerseyshore

“My ideal man would be Italian, dark, muscles, juicehead, guido.” What the hell is a juicehead? #jerseyshore

Oh my god. Of course “juicehead” is “steroid user.” #idontspeakguidette #jerseyshore

“You’re the Queen of Guidettes. Not just a Guidette.” Still LMAO. #jerseyshore

“Pink eye is very contagious. I don’t know much about it, but I heard you can catch it just from the air.” Pauly D on #jerseyshore

RT @Stefmara: “It’s not a matter of when she’s going to hook up with me. It’s more about when I decide” #jerseyshore

And perhaps Teen Moms. RT @Stefmara: This show is the reason why many people should not procreate #jerseyshore

“I am a c*&k block. Um hm. Yeah. Not gonna lie.” #jerseyshore

“I will cut your hair while you’re sleeping.” #hitaguidowhereithurts #jerseyshore

In retrospect, I didn’t tweet enough about The Situation. He may require a separate blog post. When I’m ready to deal with The Situation properly.  Until then, god help me. And god help us all.


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4 Responses to “Guidos, Guidettes and Whorebags, Oh My! It’s the Jersey Shore”

RSS Feed for Amanda's OCD: Observations, Commentary and Diatribes Comments RSS Feed

The situation is that I’m happy with my situation and girls love to be a part of the situation. So, yeah… Situation

My grad. PR professor is from Jersey and spent some time at the end of class on Wed. night explaining this show to us.

I decided to purposefully stay away. I’m afraid that I might lose 10pts off my IQ every episode that I would digest.

That and when he asked if any of us had heard of this upcoming show, the first response from several ladies were, “Oh my God, it looks like such trash. I cant wait for it.”


I would rather watch the Civil War and Texas/USC basketball. Like I did last night.

And you’re right…God help us all!

How did you leave out the tweets about your love for Pauly D??? 😛

What about when that one girl decided to go home early for water and ham?

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