The Legend of the MLB All-Fat Team

Posted on November 1, 2009. Filed under: Baseball, Comedy, Sports | Tags: , , , |

Some of you may have seen me reference the All-Fat Team on Twitter. Ok, fine, most of you should have seen me reference the All-Fat Team. Many of you may have asked: where did it come from? And even if you didn’t ask, I’m going to tell you anyway.

A Great Idea is Born from Beer

It all started during a beer summit with Jonah Keri back in June (June 20, to be exact). While watching some random baseball game, we saw an unusually hefty pitcher on the mound. Sidney Ponson? Kevin Millwood? Who can say? (I could research all the pitchers who pitched that night, but that would take a lot of time, and it’s really not that important). But the point is that a great idea was born.

Crowdsourcing on Twitter

Jonah and I immediately got to work on compiling the All-Fat Team. We quickly put an initial list together and had most of the team set – except for third base. And what do you do when you’re stumped? You ask the Twitterverse, of course.

Pablo Sandoval - starting 3B of the All-Fat Team

I reached out for help at around midnight and within 10 minutes had tons of responses from across the country. San Francisco Giants’ 3B Pablo Sandoval was the unanimous (and obvious) choice. Frankly, we were ashamed we had missed him (and of course he is hard to miss).  And the All-Fat Team was born. It had to happen – the people were hungry for it.

All-Fat Team Rules

Here are the rules to qualify for the All-Fat Team. They’re pretty simple. First, a player must be fat (or corpulent, rotund, girthy). Second, a player must have been on a major league roster in the 2009 season. Remember, these are current active players. (Sorry, Cecil Fielder and Mike LaValliere, you’re not eligible, though you’re eminently qualified).

I present the 2009 MLB All-Fat Team:

Starting Pitchers

CC Sabathia
Big Fat Sidney Ponson
Big Fat Bartolo Colon
Livan Hernandez
Joe Blanton

Heath Bell anchors the bullpen

Relief Pitchers

Heath Bell
Jonathan Broxton
Eddie Guardado
Bobby Jenks
George Sherrill

Position Players

LF: Carlos Lee
CF: Andruw Jones
RF: Magglio Ordonez

1B: Dmitri Young (this was by far the most competitive position. Other strong contenders: Prince Fielder, Miguel Cabrera, Kyle Blanks, Lance Berkman, Jason Giambi)
2B: Ronnie Belliard
3B: Pablo Sandoval
SS: Jhonny Peralta
C: Jose Molina (also a lot of competition, but the Panda wins)

Dmitri Young beat out hefty competition at 1B

Designated Hitter
DH: David Ortiz (narrowly edging out Matt Stairs, who is in the National League and thus is no longer a DH)

And that is your 2009 All-Fat Team. Did we miss anybody? If you have any suggestions or glaring omissions, let me know. And if you have nominations for an all-time All-Fat Team, feel free to chime in.


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